small sacrifices

Much of parenting young children and teens is made up of small sacrifices: forgoing minutes or hours of sleep when they are babies; forfeiting time and treasure to support their interests; disadvantaging our agenda to deeply listen to and attend to their needs. Sometimes, the requirement is small; other times, a complete surrender of self is called for. There is no promised moment of acknowledgment where the reward or pay-off is felt. Rather, child-rearing is more akin to becoming what ecologist call a ‘nurse log.’

As a parent-nurse log, you lay down and surrender, so that new life is sourced. When a nursing log falls down, it allows more light to emanate into the space where it once stood. If accomplished, as you fall, you illuminate more; as you decay, you bestow an unending and ample supply of nutrients and energy so that new saplings can form and mature to their intended height and beauty.  Interestingly, when a tree is standing only about 5% of it is living material.  But when it falls, it transforms completely from a tree to a log. The tree resurrects into a fresh life and now contains 5 times as much living matter than before. (National Public Radio station KUOW, 3/21/2012).  The tree is utterly altered into beautiful, rich, organic material--- ready to spawn a new generation through the sacrifice of its body.

Nurse logs not only give water and nutrients, but they offer disease protection.  An article in Nature, (2010, Volume 466, pp. 752-755) reveals that soil pathogens in certain forest communities are hostile to a specific tree species. These disease-producing microorganisms appear to congregate in the neighborhood of that species, and may impede seedling growth. Nurse logs provide a protective barrier from these pathogens, and increase seedling survivorship.  How Joyous! We both nurture and protect.

Over time, the new younger trees start growing larger than the nurse log and nothing of the old tree is left. It loses all of its original “definition,” it’s body. Finally, the nurse log is completely gone, leaving only the roots that were once wound around and through the nurse log.  Last year, overnight, I left my job, my home, my community because my daughter was gravely ill. She spent a total of 4 months in a hospital in far away cities. I left my job so quickly that my computer was still on when I returned 4 months later....completely changed, completely emptied for the cause.

According to naturalist Larry Daloz of Whidbey Island, WA: "One thing I think about when I look at a nurse log like this is that after it falls, the soil it leaves behind is much richer than what was there before, and maybe that would be a great way to live. May our legacy that we leave behind be richer than what we found when we came." (NPR station KUOW). 

And that is humbling as a parent.  My daughter's life is much richer now; she is stronger, braver, lighter, her laugh is true and deep.

And that is why we make the steady stream of small sacrifices.

Keeping Vigil: an Act of Supreme Love

Tonight my sweet son got sick right as he was going to bed. My husband and I were both there to help him and tuck him back in. We went to bed soon thereafter, but I could not sleep. Something inside would not let me fall into slumber. On the couch in the living room, I began to pray for his healing and to speed his recovery. Not long after, I heard him get up again. I was there-- right away-- rubbing his back, soothing him. I had been keeping vigil and arrived just in time.
What could be more comforting for a child than knowing that his mother is there for him, keeping a watchful eye over him as he tries to rest? What could aid his full healing more than knowing that his beloved parents are there to support him when he feels so sick?

I once went on a ten-day Deep Ecology retreat in the woods with 150 other seekers. Deep Ecology is a philosophy that teaches us that we are all (humans and non-humans) interconnected in a vast web of life. Deep Ecology is a deep, long-range view of ecology as opposed to short-sighted and shallow views of the environment.  During this extended week of workshops and experiences, one night, we kept a vigil for the earth. About 25 of us chose to stay up all night, talking around a bonfire until the sun rose. At each hour of the night, we would stop and pray for whatever area of the earth was experiencing dawn at that moment. It was a beautiful event, a life transforming moment. Out of all the workshops and discussions and lectures I was a part of that week, I felt this was the most significant episode of them all.

There is something special, vital, critical, yet indescribable about keeping vigil over someone you love. It is an experience worth having, an act of supreme love.

 Penn State students hold a prayer vigil for victims of sexual abuse in November 2011. Over 10,000 people came.

Easy Ways to Explore the Wilderness Within

In the final component of the technology-free/nature journal assignment, I asked students to write about their experiences with the “wilderness within.” What is nice about this part of the assignment is that it can be done anywhere at any time. If it is cold or snowy or rainy outside, or you just don’t feel like heading outside, you can simply create a special spot somewhere inside. Maybe it’s seat with a nice view of the outside, maybe it is a clean corner of your bedroom; whatever works for you can be a pleasant contemplative spot indoors or out.

The questions I asked my students to write about in their journals concerning the Wilderness Within are ones you can ask yourself after spending any time in nature or a few quiet moments inside.

Here they are: What about your ‘spot’ invokes special appreciation in you? How does your body react after 20 minutes in nature or in quiet? How does your mind react? Explore your answer. What is your emotional reaction to spending time in nature or in quietude? Trace the changes in your emotional state over time. Does the weather/climate have an effect on your mood today? What kind of weather & what kind of effect. How does it feel to spend 20 minutes or so away from all technology? Do you miss it? Do you feel relieved? Investigate your reaction. Think about what you value in your life while in your ‘spot.’ Now think about what you actually spend the most time doing during the day. Do these lists match/overlap substantially? Explore your answer. How has spending time in nature changed you, if at all?

Just to give you a sense of some of the possible connections that can be made, here is a small sample of my students' “aha moments.”

Power of Nature: “I was in awe when I saw the (giant) willow tree and got to sit under it. I feel like it represents such strength & power and I love the indestructible feeling I feel when I sat under it….It was so relaxing and peaceful I feel like I could have fallen asleep…My spot captured my heart because I felt like I was being guarded by someone. I feel like nothing could hurt me at the time I was in my spot….I almost felt more confident and headstrong about life in my spot.”

God: “When I was in my spot, I just thought about God’s amazing ways to make something so big & powerful like a tree!”

While riding on the bus to a match at Juniata: “I was looking out my window and all I saw in the distance were mountain ranges among mountain ranges. They looked so strong and stable, tree covered and massive. I now understand why mountains represent strength, solitude, and stability for so many people throughout the world. Also, why the mountain pose is such a simplistic yet strong pose.”

The terrain in our own minds and bodies can mirror our experiences in life, so you can use these questions to get to know your inner landscape a little better and help you navigate the circumstances of life.

In Honor of Earth Day: four little lessons from a real earth hero

I was going to write today’s blog about the Wilderness Within (which will come tomorrow), until last night, when I saw my husband reading to his daughter before sleep. He had just come home from another jam-packed day at work, helped coach his son's little league team's first game, and finally had his "play-night" with his daughter.
I mean, I saw him, I really saw him for first time in a long time and realized here is a person who completely exemplifies “helping other people and the earth” and I get to live with him! Truly, I am in awe of what this man accomplishes and gives in the space of a single day.

My husband is the Director of the Campus Sustainability Office for Penn State (all 24 campuses). He is also an amazing dad of two school age children, a fantastic husband, a (soccer, basketball, baseball) coach, a friend, a son, a noon-time basketball player, amongst many other roles.

Since blogs are supposed to be short and pithy, I am going to extract just four little lessons from his life that make him a true hero, as well as true earth hero! In his life and work, he has embodied theses teachings:

1) Make Going Green fun: “Whoever has the most fun wins!”that has been our personal and professional motto for 15 years. We decided that for environmentalism to be successful we had to making going green as much fun or moreso than consuming. As much as possible, Erik uses stories, games, laughter, and especially humor to engage his many disparate audiences.
For example, amidst all the presentations he does for adults, he took time out recently to talk to all the first and second grade classes at Park Forest Elementary, including his daughter's class. He talked to them about how they can be Earth Heroes and save energy, water, and resources. In the midst of his talk, he had set his phone to ring so he could receive a pretend phone call from Mother Earth asking for their help! Needless to say, all the 6 and 7 year olds absolutely loved hearing from Her! And to this day when they see him up at the school, they ask about Mother Earth.

2) Make Going Green profitable: the whole impetus behind Erik getting his MBA (after being an Environmental Studies-Sociology double major) was because he knew (long before it became popular) that organizations and institutions were more likely to change if he could demonstrate for them an improvement in their fiscal bottom line as a result of going green. He went to graduate school, got the tools he needed to make his case, and has been doing so ever since.

3) “Family first”. Schedule play time with your kids: Wednesday night is playtime with his daughter; Friday night with his son. Erik has been upholding these weekly playdates with his children for years, and they eagerly look forward to it. Date your wife: spend time with her (buying gifts works well too). Coach or assistant coach, if you can. Erik’s example illustrate that loving his family isn’t just a feeling, it is a choice of how he spends his time.

4) Come from gratitude: This is his personal adage. He is the first to recognize & honor all those who have supported him over the years, including all the Grace that streams into his life to aid him in his endeavors. Even though he gets up every day at 5:30Am to do the part of his work that requires writing in solitude, he then makes time to meditate and be thankful.

Thank you Erik for being a true Earth Hero, and one who really does help other people and the earth! You are an inspiration!
Who is YOUR Earth Hero? HONOR the earth hero you know today!!